Love / Hate Relationship

We have a love / hate relationship.
We love the person, but we hate the choices.
Maybe hate is a bit strong for most of the time, but there are definitely times.
We love the person that is smart, funny, full of potential, capable, knows right and wrong, all the things a parent hopes for.
When we are not looking, you are kind, caring and loving of your own.
You wouldn't believe any of that, that we care and love you.
We have spent the last 20 years trying to give you our attention, our time, teaching, experiences, knowledge, care, help...
We have tried your way, our way, nice, tough love, every way.
We still keep trying, time after time, attempt after attempt, we do care.
We want you to succeed, do what you want, be what you want.
We just want you to take a step forward, then another.
You don't - this is where the flip in the relationship occurs.
You avoid choices that help you go forward.
You chose to do as little as possible when presented with a challenge.
You chose to give up when things got hard, in-fact before that, when things looked like they might get hard.
You chose to not learn, not care, not help yourself.
You chose to listen, but not hear, and believe that we are horrible.
You see it as horrible because we hate you, but it's because we care, and tell you how it is.
You chose to walk away from everything - school, basketball, music, family, us.
You have not moved forward.
In-fact, you have chosen to move backwards.
You have chosen to eat badly and sleep badly.
You have chosen to work little and help little, but spend a lot of money.
You have chosen to be uncooperative when asked, when you promise, pretty much always.
You have chosen to live in filth in your room, and produce mess without concern.
You have chosen to use resources, food and any else, whatever and whenever you like.
You have also chosen not to contribute anything to the household, even though you consume and earn money.
This is why we hate the choices, because they are mostly bad, but the person is still in there.
We are not expecting perfection in choices, but choices that are reasonable, healthy, allow forward movement.
We experience frustration on a daily basis, and it appears like we hate the person, No - only the choices.
It appears like your life is bad, but nothing has changed in more than 5 years.
5 years ago, the same things were said, the same frustrations were felt, and the same choices were made as today.
We are fed up with the bad choices, it has gone on too long.
We do get frustrated and want the bad choices to go away, but not the person.
We have not given up, and never will.
We will suffer, you will suffer. The others in the family will also suffer.
We care, we love the person, we know you can do it.
Step back and look at where you have come from and are going, you're stuck in a loop.
We are part of that loop, and we are stuck too.
We can't change you, we can only remind you that you need to change.
We can't fix everything for you, even though in the past we have fixed most of your bad choices, so many times.
We were wrong, and we will no longer fix your bad choices.
 Please try and see the forest for the tree.
It is all about you and your choices, it's only about choices.
In the end, you must move forward.
You need to make some good choices, hard choices.
You need to follow through.
Then maybe we can flip back to the person, the smart, funny, capable person.
The person that makes better, or even good, choices and moves forward.
The person we love.